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Court bans duel

A duel between the Duke of Wellington and a nightwear salesman has been declared illegal by the High Court in Brunswick Cuttings. 

The pizza-based duel was declared a draw after the duelists stood too far apart to hit each other. The dispute was over which items on a shortlist should be announced as the five best things.

Now the High Court has banned a rematch, leaving the decision about the five best things in limbo.

Nightwear magnate Hugo Iurwaii remains adamant that jam, pyjamas, cheese, bees, and peas should be the five best things while the Duke is entrenched in his view that dark horses, wellies, tall pies, quiche fights and grit should win. 

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